Understanding Mom Rage: What It Is and What You Can Do About It

Becoming a mother is one of life’s greatest joys, but it can also be one of its most challenging experiences. Alongside the deep love and bond you form with your child, you may also encounter an overwhelming surge of emotions—one of which is mom rage. Mom-rage ** is an intense, often uncontrollable anger that some mothers experience as they navigate the pressures of motherhood. It can manifest in moments of frustration, irritation, or even outbursts of anger towards others. While mom-rage is a common and natural response to stress, it's important to address it in healthy ways before it impacts your well-being or relationships. While a very gendered and offensive term to women and mothers, we use this term because it is relatable and recognizable.

**If the rage has escalated to verbal or physical abuse, this is not mom-rage and it’s important to get help.

What Is Mom Rage?

Mom rage refers to extreme feelings of anger that many mothers experience, particularly during the postpartum period, when they are adjusting to the often overwhelming demands of new parenthood. It’s when feelings of being overwhelmed, exhausted, or unappreciated lead to sudden outbursts of frustration. Mom rage can stem from a variety of factors, including:

• Sleep deprivation: New mothers, especially those with infants, often face significant sleep disruptions, leading to heightened irritability and emotional instability (Hirschfeld & Shultz, 2021).

• Physical exhaustion: The demands of caring for a baby, coupled with recovery from childbirth, can leave mothers physically drained and emotionally vulnerable, increasing the likelihood of anger (Brockington, 2022).

• Overwhelm from expectations: Mothers are often expected to balance childcare, work, household responsibilities, and the mental load, leading to feelings of frustration when the demands feel insurmountable.

• Lack of support/Unmet Needs: When mothers feel unsupported by their partners or lack sufficient social support, they can begin to feel isolated and resentful, which can manifest as mom rage (Kaneshiro & Weiss, 2019).

• Hormonal fluctuations: Hormonal shifts following childbirth or during other phases of motherhood can affect mood regulation, contributing to sudden feelings of anger or irritability (Miller et al., 2020).

It’s important to note that mom rage doesn’t make you a bad mother. It’s simply a signal that your body is struggling during an incredibly challenging phase of life. In a period of incredible overwhelm, it makes sense that you could feel this way.

What Can You Do About Mom Rage?

Experiencing mom rage doesn’t mean you’re a failure as a parent. It’s important to address these feelings constructively, for both your well-being and the health of your relationships. Below are strategies for managing mom-rage:

1. Acknowledge and Accept Your Emotions

The first step in addressing mom rage is to recognize that it’s okay to feel angry. Acknowledging your emotions without guilt or shame is essential. Anger is a natural and normal emotion that everyone experiences, and can come out when they body needs help. Practice self-compassion by accepting that motherhood is tough, and it's okay to feel overwhelmed at times. Self-criticism can cause a sense of overwhelm to the nervous system, only worsening the existing anger.

2. Take a Break When Needed

When you feel your anger escalating, it’s important to take a step back. If possible, step away from the situation and give yourself a moment to breathe and reset. A minute of solitude or fresh air can provide the space you need to regain your composure. Self-care, whether it's taking a walk, meditating, or having a quiet moment, can significantly reduce emotional overwhelm and prevent anger from escalating (Brockington, 2022). Don’t underestimate the potential of a short break.

3. Communicate Your Needs

If you’re feeling unsupported or overwhelmed, communicate your needs clearly to your partner or loved ones. Expressing how you feel and what you need can help others understand your perspective and offer more practical support. Couples therapy or family counseling may also be beneficial in improving communication and reducing emotional tension in the home (Kaneshiro & Weiss, 2019).

4. Prioritize Sleep

Since sleep deprivation is a significant contributor to mom rage, prioritizing rest is essential. If possible, arrange for help so that you can take naps or get a good night's sleep, even occassionally. When possible, engage in activities that nourish your body and mind, such as exercising, engaging in hobbies, or spending time with friends. Feeling rested and cared for can help you better manage stress and emotional triggers.

5. Seek Support

If mom rage is affecting your mental health or relationships, consider seeking support, whether that is through a mom support group, a religious support group or professional therapeutic help. Therapy can help you explore the underlying causes of your anger and develop healthier coping strategies. Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) is particularly effective in helping individuals manage anger by identifying negative thought patterns and replacing them with more constructive behaviors (Miller et al., 2020).

Conclusion

Mom rage is a powerful, often overwhelming emotion that many mothers experience during the course of parenthood. It’s important to remember that you are not alone, and these feelings do not define you as a parent or a person. By acknowledging your emotions, taking breaks, communicating your needs, and prioritizing self-care, you can begin to manage mom-rage more effectively. And, if you’re open to it, seeking therapy can provide invaluable support in understanding and addressing the root causes of your anger.

Motherhood is challenging, but with the right tools and support, you can navigate the ups and downs with greater calm and resilience.

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References

Brockington, I. (2022). Postpartum depression and the psychological adjustment of the new mother. Psychiatric Clinics of North America, 45(1), 107-121. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.psc.2021.11.007

Hirschfeld, M. L., & Shultz, M. E. (2021). Sleep deprivation and postpartum depression. Journal of Women's Health, 30(9), 1354-1361. https://doi.org/10.1089/jwh.2021.8273

Kaneshiro, B., & Weiss, L. C. (2019). Coping with postpartum challenges: Relationship issues, family planning, and birth spacing. The Journal of Family Psychology, 33(6), 659-666. https://doi.org/10.1037/fam0000618

Miller, L. J., Allen, R. L., & West, E. D. (2020). The role of hormonal fluctuations in postpartum emotions and depression. Journal of Clinical Psychology in Medical Settings, 27(4), 489-499. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10880-020-09763-3