Parenting Through Crises: Navigating Natural Disasters, Health Crises, and Other Stressful Events

In times of crisis, such as natural disasters like wildfires and hurricanes or family health emergencies, parents often find themselves struggling to balance their own emotional needs while supporting their children. This is so difficult considering as a parent, you are in charge of your child’s safety and well-being. Most parents would do most anything to shield their children from any sort of trauma in their lives. However, try as we might, we can’t control everything in life and inevitably some sort of trauma will appear in their lives at some point. By virtue of being here, reading this, you are trying to be the best parent you can to your child in the face of such terrible events. And in doing so, you are preparing them, however reluctantly, for important parts of their future. You also have likely been working with your children to develop their emotional intelligence, in developmentally appropriate ways. Now, you are in a situation where you will need to tap into on those skills you have been working so hard on.

The stress and uncertainty that these events bring can affect not only our physical environment but also our mental well-being and family dynamics. As parents, how we communicate with our children during these times plays a crucial role in helping them navigate their emotions and process the crisis as best as we can. In this post, we’ll explore strategies for parenting through crises, including what conversations to have with our children in the midst of these challenging situations.

The Importance of Emotional Support for Children During Crisis

Research shows that children are deeply affected by the emotional climate of their household, especially in the face of trauma or stress. Children are particularly vulnerable to feeling helpless and anxious during a crisis, and how parents manage their emotions and communicate with them can significantly influence their coping mechanisms and long-term resilience (Pine & Costello, 2005). Therefore, it's important for parents to provide reassurance, stability, and a sense of security to the extent that is possible, even in the midst of uncertainty.

What to Say to Children During a Crisis

1. Reassure Them with Age-Appropriate Information: Children need clear, honest, and age-appropriate explanations of what’s happening. Be mindful of their developmental stage when sharing information. For younger children, you might simply explain, “There’s a fire nearby, and we’re staying safe. We have a plan, and we’re going to be okay.” For older children, more details can be provided, such as information on evacuation plans or the status of a health crisis.

   • Why it works: This provides the child with concrete information, which can help reduce anxiety caused by uncertainty (Foa et al., 2006). In the absence of information that children have questions about, they will create their own answers. The best way to get ahead of their imaginative answers is to give them real, concrete ones.

2. Validate Their Feelings: Acknowledge your child's feelings of fear, sadness, or confusion. You could say, “It’s okay to be scared. A lot of people are feeling that way right now, including me.” Validating emotions helps children feel understood and safe to express their feelings without fear of judgment or dismissal.

   • Why it works: Validation encourages emotional expression and helps children process their emotions effectively (Kersting & Wagner, 2013).

3. Emphasize Safety and Support: Provide comfort by reinforcing that you’re there for them. “We are going to stick together, and we have a plan in case we need it. You’re not alone.” In times of crisis, children need to hear that their primary caregivers are their source of safety.

   • Why it works: Children find comfort in routines, structure, and knowing that their caregivers are in control (Bowlby, 1988).

4. Model Calmness and Resilience: Children often look to their parents to gauge how to react. By remaining calm, even in the face of adversity, you teach your children how to manage stress and cope with challenging situations. Notably, this does not include hiding your own sadness. When our children see us when we are sad or crying, they learn that it is ok to feel that feeling, and they will watch to see how you handle this feeling and return to a calm, resilient state.

   • Why it works: Children often learn emotional regulation by observing their parents (Gross, 2002). Modeling resilience helps them feel more secure.

What Not to Say to Children During a Crisis

1. “Everything’s Fine, Don’t Worry.” While parents might want to shield their children from the harsh reality, denying the crisis or downplaying the situation can cause confusion and distress. Children can often sense when something is wrong, and pretending everything is fine can undermine trust.

   • Why it doesn’t work: Children’s intuitive nature means they can detect discrepancies between what’s being said and what’s happening around them. This can increase anxiety and distrust (Rosenblum et al., 2002).

2. “You Don’t Need to Be Scared.” While well-intentioned, telling a child not to be scared can invalidate their feelings. Fear is a natural response to a crisis, and dismissing it can cause children to suppress their emotions rather than process them in healthy ways.

   • Why it doesn’t work: Acknowledging and normalizing fear allows children to feel supported in their emotional experience, while dismissing it may encourage avoidance of emotions (Kersting & Wagner, 2013).

3. “This Is Not a Big Deal.” Minimizing the gravity of the situation can prevent children from properly understanding the situation and from processing their emotions effectively. It can also send the message that their concerns aren’t important.

   • Why it doesn’t work: Minimizing the crisis may lead to children feeling invalidated and anxious because their emotions are not being taken seriously (Pine & Costello, 2005).

4. “I’m Not Sure What Will Happen, But I Hope We’ll Be Okay.” While it’s important to be honest, expressing uncertainty without a plan can exacerbate anxiety. Children rely on their parents to be a source of security, and hearing that you don’t have a plan may increase their fear.

   • Why it doesn’t work: Children rely on stability and predictability. While it's okay to express uncertainty, it’s important to reassure them that you have a plan in place to keep them safe (Bowlby, 1988).

Additional Tips for Parents During Crises

1. Maintain Routines Where Possible: In times of chaos, try to maintain a sense of normalcy. Routines, like mealtime, bedtime, or family activities, can provide children with comfort and stability.

2. Limit Exposure to News: Constant exposure to distressing news can heighten anxiety in children. Monitor what they see and hear about the crisis, and ensure they have space to process their emotions without being overwhelmed by external sources.

3. Stay Connected: Encourage open dialogue, allowing your child to ask questions and express their feelings. Offer comfort through physical closeness, like hugging, or through words of reassurance.

4. Consider Therapy: If your child is showing signs of distress, such as trouble sleeping, frequent nightmares, or emotional withdrawal, therapy can be an invaluable resource. Professional support can help children cope with trauma and provide coping mechanisms for emotional resilience.

Conclusion

Parenting through a crisis is undoubtedly challenging, but it’s also an opportunity to model resilience and emotional intelligence for your children. By providing reassurance, validating their feelings, and communicating in a calm and open manner, you can help your child process the experience in a healthy way. And while it’s natural for parents to feel overwhelmed, seeking professional support for yourself or your children can offer additional tools to navigate the emotional complexities of a crisis.

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References

Bowlby, J. (1988). A Secure Base: Parent-Child Attachment and Healthy Human Development. Routledge.

Foa, E. B., Steketee, G., & Rothbaum, B. O. (2006). Treating PTSD: A Prolonged Exposure Therapy Manual. The Guilford Press.

Gross, J. J. (2002). Emotion regulation: Affective, cognitive, and social consequences. Psychophysiology, 39(3), 281-291. https://doi.org/10.1111/1469-8986.3910281

Kersting, A., & Wagner, B. (2013). Post-traumatic stress disorder after childbirth: A systematic review of the literature. Archives of Women’s Mental Health, 16(1), 1-10. https://doi.org/10.1007/s00737-012-0317-3

Pine, D. S., & Costello, E. J. (2005). Vulnerability and resilience in childhood: Implications for psychotic and affective disorders. Psychiatric Clinics of North America, 28(2), 261-279. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.psc.2005.01.009

Rosenblum, K. L., McDonough, S. C., & Sameroff, A. J. (2002). From infant attachment to early childhood disorder: The influence of early attachment on the development of emotional and behavioral problems. Development and Psychopathology, 14(2), 235-260. https://doi.org/10.1017/S0954579402002046